I'm going to jail i love you
I skipped work to stalk him.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
