I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
