She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
