I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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