Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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