I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
