ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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