I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
