every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
