dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm like, not good at living.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
