Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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