.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
