you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
