There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you win again, gameday.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
