i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
