see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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