I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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