If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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