Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
