"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
