"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
