I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
