dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
