On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
