True but thats because hes a fetus.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
