I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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