Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
