now i know why i became what i already was.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
