now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
