In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
