Can i not drive my cunt home
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
