Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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