sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
