So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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