That's intense
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
