she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
