I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
