I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
