I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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