i would punch a child for taco bell
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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