Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
