I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
