Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
