After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
