Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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