it wasn't lemon gatorade
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
