How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
