btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
