I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
