just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
