just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
