It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
