seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
