just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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