Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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