yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
