Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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