You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
