Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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