I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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