drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
