The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You're like the curious george of whores
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
