the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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